So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
