No stitches, just platelets and will power
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
