Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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