just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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