He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
