I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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