you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
