When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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