started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
