You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
