I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
It's never too late to be topless.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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