I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
