I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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