i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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