Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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