Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
