I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
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