i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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