No awkward lesbian experiences without me
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
