Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
