Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Randomize
