So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
