Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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