I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
