Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
