did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
did i walk over a car last night?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
