Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
