I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
