Even the bartender felt bad for me
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
