you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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