I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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