judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
