Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I faked an abortion last night.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Randomize
