Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
