Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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