My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
