Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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