Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
