he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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