god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
