i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
