I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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