Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
