he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
