I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
