i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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