he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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