problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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