i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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