did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
This house was built for laser tag.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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